When Hello Means Goodbye

I love to listen to it every minute, every hour even the songs makes me cry so hard.. For me, I will never say goodbye to my Baby,he will always be in my heart and in my life........ I love you my Mackenzie!!

WHEN HELLO MEANS GOOBYE - FREESTYLE

(click it to listen the song)

I’ve been waiting for you

I wanted to see who you’ll turn out to be

Imagining who you would be

The day you began to live in me

And I wonder

And I wonder

I can’t wait to say hello

Can’t wait to say hello

And as slowly you grew

Something happened to you that I never knew

Could all the reasons be true

They keep telling me that I lost you

But you were mine

You were always mine

Should I say hello

Or do I say goodbye

Can you hear me say hello

Can you hear me say hello

I can never say hello

But I won’t say goodbye........

Progesterone

I texted my OB last week asking why I haven't got my period yet.  As far as I know I supposed to have my period atleast after 2 months of giving birth and also as per my OB. She ask me to have Pregtest but I said that we didn't have a baby dance yet since last year when I found out I 'm pregnant till now. I asked if its possible to get pregnant even if you just gave birth recently. She said YES, after 6 weeks of giving birth women are strongly fertlile and really able to conceived right away. But I said I'm not ready yet specially that I'm gone through a cesarean section with Mackenzie.  

She said I that I have to visit her in her clinic. Last July 08, 2012, I visited my OB and she decided to give me progesterone. then after 10pills count 10 days from the last pill, on that day i need to have my period back but if not we need to undergo meds again, probably my PCOS are starting again. OB said that Progesterone makes the baby hold on to your uterus more if you are pregnant and if not it will help you to release your monthly period. We will check if my period will start in a normal way if not we need to start my meds again.

I had my TVS last July 25, 2012 and my left are starting to be PCOS again even though I got pregnant on my left last time and my right are fine as of now. I hope both of them will be fine forever.


My OB said we can start taking controll pill if I am not yet ready to get pregnant again! But I said give me pills that will not make me more bigger, but she said mos of pill get make you heavy!


I'm still thinking if I will take a pill or just control....

@mackenzieangeles

Just recently I decided to change either my name in my Social Networking sites account! One of this is my Foursquare Account (Email: anjchanjch@gmail.com) I decided as well to change not only my name but my profile pic as well. The only way I know that somehow I will not miss my Angel because I can see his first Foot Print everyday of my life!!!

(my Foursquare Account)

My Instagram @mackenzieangeles

My Facebook

My Twitter

This is all for you anak!! I miss you!!

EDD: July 08, 2012

July 08, 2012? What is especial on this date? This is supposed to be my Expected Due Date, this is the date that i supposed to give birth to my First Son Mackenzie Anraiee, but after my water bag broke last May 13th and on the 24th he passed away, that was the beginning of my worst life ever..... everytime I go to bed, I remember you, everytime I close my eyes I remember you! How can I move on?! How I wish we're together for the rest of my life. Nak, I know you are with our Savior now, I know it is the most safest place in the whole world, I know you are much happier now, no pains, no needles and no suffering! I love you anak, you are the most precious one that ever happened to my life!! I love you Anak!!!!!!

My Key to My Angel

One time when I'm in Trinoma Mall alone, making my self busy going somewhere everyday, walking, thinking  just trying to forget little by little what happened to me and to my Angel. I saw this key chain maker on the side, then suddenly I decided to make one name after my son. I called it "MY KEY TO MY ANGEL" I just think that every time I hold my key, its just like I'm holding my son! I post it recently on my Instagram account (@mackenzieangeles) This is my key to my new life, my key to my angel!!

My Baby's 40 Days

Today is the 40 days of my Angel Makzie, I ask my mom to offer a mass for him and we attended it with my mom and my husband After we cremated him I told to my self I will be strong, I will be more tough to fight everything that will come along my way. But there are times I can't help my self but cry, I remember my little angel when he was in my tummy. He moves a lot, he seems nothing problem on his health. I can help my self but to ask the Lord above why my little Makzie, why him! I waited him to come into my life for so long and yet just after 11 days he's gone. My dreams and My life seems like fading away so easily. Every time I'll stay at home in every corner of our room I don't remember anything but only my Little Makzie, How I planned everything for him. His things are now safely kept on a plastic box, things that been bought with our happy life and happy smile. People always says "We are so proud of you for being so strong after what happened!" but the truth is,  I'm not strong, I'm getting weak and weak every day of my life. I'm so weak to fight for my everyday life without my son. He was my life, He was my courage to face everything with a strong heart and mind, He was my air to breath, He was my everything! But now how can I move on? How can I say to my self, "Be Strong everything has a reason!" Oh God knows! I'm fighting everything to be strong, but I can't! I'm the weakest person I'm ever know. How I wish I 'm with my son! How I wish I'm with him to make my life easier than this!  I have no one to talk to, I have no one to express my weakness , I have no one to turn too! I miss you anak! I love you more than my life MAKZIE!!!

'Nak tell me... "HOW CAN I GO ON WITHOUT YOU?"  ='(