I decided to give it a try again

It's not easy for me to make this decision. I have to consider so many reasons before deciding to give it try, "Again!". Before this decision came up  I struggled some depression, sadness, and loneliness in my everyday life after losing my baby boy Mackenzie. I tried to accept everything and believe that everything has a reason, why it happened to us and to my baby. 

Last August my DH and I are having some problems. I became so sensitive in everything he says and does.  We didn't talk for almost a month.  Leaving our house every day is my way to forget the things that we are going through at that time. Eating, eating and eating! Eating more and more, food became my best friend at that time till September came in and I found out My weight reach 197lbs. I cried and talk to self. " This is not right," "This is not good!" "I need to wake up in this nightmare!" 

Then suddenly My friend from Kuwait send me a Viber message. We talked and exchange stories about our lives.  I said I'm so big that food was my fall back to fight depression and now I wanted to lose weight! She recommends her secret, which will make your appetite drastically down.  I started to diet on September 15th, eating one meal in a day without eating rice at all...

October came in, knowing I'already lose 20lbs. Sometimes it's hard! Decided not to eat rice since I started to go on a diet is a strong fight but I did. Hoping to lose more!  I started to run at least 3x a week with my DH around our subdivision! Just to help me to lose weight more! 

My aunt Flo was a day delayed this October so I felt scared and nervous thinking that my PCOS might be there again! Knowing that after giving birth I'm soon time getting my aunt flo! So I texted my OB asking why it's like this and saying I was so scared and wanted to know if my PCOS went back again so if yes, I wanted to start my meds again battling PCOS so when I'm ready and if I can, getting pregnant again will not be hard for me! My ob asked me to wait for 10days delayed then do TVS, then she said: "maybe you are pregnant!" I texted her back saying "no doc, we are not doing baby dance since then!" Then waiting for10days delayed but in the 9th day my aunt Flo came, so happy and kinda relief.  Maybe it's just stress that makes my aunt Flo a little bit delay this month or maybe because I'm on a diet, anyway I really don't know what's behind it...

Last October 23rd,  It's our 8th years anniversary! The anniversary that we thought will not be able to celebrate because of things that we been through, nightmares that been hunting me for so long! But I' m so blessed, DH didn't give up on me even the times he knew I already giving up on everything! We had a baby dance! 12:30midnight to be exact. My 15th day from LMP. 

October 24,  Next day I decided to do my TVS (my 16th day) while doing the ultrasounds, feeling so nervous and shaking! Then the Sonologist said, "you are fertile on the left!" (knowing I produced Matured follicle on my own, size 1.8cm) I just replied "Really doc?" Then she checked on my right ovary if she can see some signs of PCOS but while checking she said: "I don't see any signs of PCOS on your right ovary!"  I said, "Thank you, Lord, Thank you, baby!" 

As soon as it's done I can't wait to tell DH the good news! Then I texted my OB, I ask when I can see her coz I'm done with my TVS! And I really wanted to find out if no signs of  PCOS again. She asked to visit the next day October 25th.  We leave the NeoMedica Clinic with a smile on my face! Sooo happy and so much joy in my heart! Then suddenly I said to my self   "God is really good!" "Is this the sign I've been waiting for?"

 October 25th, Thursday, 17thday, I went to my OB to visit her for my check up! She asks how am I? Looks that I lose weight as per her, So I told her I'm on a diet! She said that's great! Then she asks about my TVS and she said right away! "Your ultrasounds are so great! I think you are PCOS free! You  even have a matured follicle and it's really good shape!"  I replied  "really doc? Do you think there's still a chance to be PCOS again?" She said, "Yes, there's a chance but in your case, you have a good scan today so just keep on losing those excess weights and eat more good fruits and food with exercise!" 

I think if you want, you have a big chance of getting pregnant this month, then i told her that our last baby dance was October 23rd, she said we just have to keep on doing it again because there is really a big chance to conceived again!!! So, I didn't think twice anymore! I ask her if It's really ok to conceieved as early as today (if Gods will) because its just 5months ago when i had my C-Section because as far as i know you have to wait atleast a year so everything is perfectly find!  But she said, my uterus are so thick and so nice! So trying to get pregnant again is not a problem! ❤❤

So after my check up! DH and I talked about it! Till we come up with a decision to give it a try again! If Gods will i know he will give it to us! I know he will guide us all through this journey with my baby Angel beside him!  Then DH suddenly said  we will change  everything this time! if i have to sleep on couch just for you not to feel stress i will do it... This time you have to control your anger and try not to feel the stress!!

I just said... "Promise!" 

I hope we will able to fight this battle again to have a complete and healthy family! Another journey and another story of our life is about to begin again........ I know baby mackenzie is always with us to give us strength and hope all the way!!! Ilove you baby! Mama and Papa will always be so proud of you and happy that you became part of our life... Tomorrow is another day to smile and to enjoy life with our love ones! Another day to be thankful that God give us another day to fulfill our dreams and finished our journey!!! 

Thank you GOD for undying blessings and guidance!!!!Baby dustto all... Again!!!