Heavy Aunt Flo #2

Yesterday afternoon, my aunt-flo suddenly I noticed It's not that heavy anymore. I was able to use the normal pads and aside from that I almost used it in hour's not like before that I already use diapers as my pads and it only last for minutes because of It's too heavy it always overflowing. Thank God I did'y had a chance to take the Hemostat for 5 days as my OB-gyne instruction.  I hope everything will be ok. After this my battle is to weather to have a baby right away or I need to rest somehow. Even I wanted to I've been to a C-Section so I think you have to rest atleast 6 months to a year. So I don't know yet. I'm just a afraid that if I control for getting pregnant again , what If if time comes I already want it and it will be hard for me again. I have so many questions. and If I go and try again for another one, still not yet ready emotionally financially so it will be so hard for me again.

God Knows what's best.....

Heavy Aunt-Flo

If you will check my previous post about progesterone because after giving birth last May , still my aunt-flo is not here yet so when I had a check up to my OB she advise to give me progesterone just in case I'm pregnant again the baby would able to hold on more but if I'm not pregnant It will help me to have my aunt-flo back again. She gave me 10pills for 10days then after the last pill I have to wait for 10days till my aunt-flo will visit me again.

After I finished my 6 pill last Wednesday August 1 the following day aunt-flo came in in a natural flow, but around night time it became heavy already but still tolerable but when August 3 It became heavier that usual so I got  bit scared but still I didn't mind it I just decided to use small size diaper as my sanitary pads because it's really heavy already and ordinary or even maternity nor overnight pads is not working anymore. then last night my nieces and bro and his wife together with DH we watch Batman in last full show. when the movie end and we already about to go out , so before we (with DH) reach the door, I bleed to death. heavy like I pee. So I cram and said to my hubby that its really flowing out on my legs and its really heavy and didn't stop right away.

At first I was so shy that people might notice  whats happening to me and seeing my shorts are full or blood, good thing my DH bought s sweatshirt so I tried to wipe it and cover my front using his sweatshirt. We don't know what to do till I call my bro whos went out first, I ask him to tell to my sister in law to help me out what to do...

I'm so scared and I texted my OB and she said I need to drink hemostat for 5 days 2x a day. OMG! I don't know whats happening to my body anymore...

I hope It will be better soon.... Baby help mama please. Guide me Lord.

Palmer's Post Natal Firming Lotion

As you know I just gave birth last May 13 thru a C Section, First I didn't bother so much about the stretch marks, sag skin or could I say some changes of your body after pregnancy. Those are my side's you know thing that I could give some time to think of. But now that things have to move on and I'm starting to see my self that I need to be more busy and finally decided to take time to search or just to be more aware how can I rid of those lines on my belly and some sagging  part on my body.

One of my closest friends said that I should or maybe I want to try Palmer's Products because she already gave birth so I know that she have more idea regarding after pregnancy differences. So I decided to look for this Palmer's products at the mall. when I found Palmer's Cream for Stretch Marks,I saw beside this is the other Palmer's Product the Post Natal Firming Lotion, while reading the back info it has the same ingredients with the Cream for Stretch Marks but this one said its made for firming after pregnancy or weight loss. So I think it will trigger the 2 problem at the same time so I decided to use the Post Natal Firming Lotion.

Scents, is good. Smell's like cocoa butter. The texture is also good.Although I always use more than enough amount of lotion putting on designated part of my body that I wanted to be firm a little not saying right away, as we know we need to work everything to get want we want. More patients. :)

After one bottle I can say some changes occur. So I decided to bought another bottle, after this if I still need to use it I guess I will still going to buy another one again but If I wanted to be more focus on my stretch marks,I rather buy the Cream for Stretch Marks. So far, I can recommend this to everybody out there specially to all mommies and to all the people having a weight loss program.

I'm Sorry Baby

I don't know how to start this. I don't know how to be more positively share this stories behind everything about days before I gave birth......

I don't know its around March or April 2012, Our maid are so tough and my Dad doesn't really like her, I was  6-7 months at this time around. There were this day between these months that my dad and our maid  had a misunderstanding that went into a deep fight. I was shouting to our maid to stop sayings words against my dad and asking my dad to stop it and go out with my mom. I'm Shouting while saying STOP IT!! My voice are loud to death because I can't barely accept whats happening to both of them. My dad even said bad words to that bad maid, I know my dad wouldn't said that if only that maid would not provoke him. My tummy gets hard at that time and while catching up my breath I decided to have a bed rest and relax.I was so scared.  Then  I've heard that my dad felt bad on me that I was shouting on him on that day,I think he just misunderstood my way of delivering words knowing that I have really a loud voice. I tried to make peace with him by giving some foods I bought outside but he refused to accept it said my little niece.

Another Fight again, When my mom and dad already got home that maid trying to go meet them at the door thinking that they bringing some groceries or something that they might need her help to carry those plastics. But I think because what happened on the other day, my dad still can't accept that the maid are still in our house, while dad going through the door he bang the maid on her shoulder and almost got threw on the other side of the window. The maid starting to cry and keep on saying some words that's a big NO NO!! Again, I'v heard her voice that is so not nice to my ears and started to ask what happen again this time, she said what my dad did and I said to stop talking and just try to understand but still she keeps on saying words and keep on talking nonsense.

 This was the first time we had a maid like that who answered back  to you when you are trying to teach her a lesson.She always had explanations and reasons to her actions. She acts like she knew everything. She acts like she is not a maid and she'll do whatever she wanted without asking to us if its ok or not. Oh boy, those were the reason i guess why my dad got pissed on her.

One big fight that decided for her to leave the house, when my dad saw her outside having a chitchat to the maid at the next door. Knowing that my dad already ask her to do his clothes.Again my dad got pissed on her, why she decided to do some talks outside when she needs to do something  that comply to her works as a maid. Then she went inside and go upstairs while saying some words, that my dad threw some bad words to her again, I got pissed on her because of her voice is not really good and ask her what is her problem, then the yaya of my nieces told me what happened and I started to tell her its her fault because why she didn't do it right away if  my dad would asked her to do something for him. She said "sabi ko mamaya na lang eh!"  "I said Later..." then I got really pissed when I heard that answer. Then my dad went out from his room shouting and so mad to her. So I was sooooo stress and started to shout, STOP IT AGAIN! and I was so careless, almost forgot I was pregnant and because I can't stop my emotion I punched the big mirror on the wall just for them to stop, then worst my tummy got cramps and its so hard. I was so scared again...

Then after a few hours my husband arrived and  already knew what happened. He is so mad to me. He keep on saying why I need to go in on that fight. Why I can just keep quiet all the time. He said What if something happened to me and to our baby, Can I blame our maid? my dad? no one to blame but me. He said that I act like I have so many kids already for being so careless. Fight stop because that maid already leave our house.

Month of May came in...
It was a week before I gave birth. April 30, 2012  3 days before my birthday , my hubby and I got some misunderstanding. I took it seriously, He called me names that I couldn't accept. I know that if you are pregnant you are more sensitive and more observe about your feelings.  I slept on the floor in our room just using my pillows. I wanted to have a fan while our A/C is on, but he can't handle the coldness he could feel at that time but in my case I couldn't sleep without a fan for I feel so hot at that time. Instead of him giving a way to his pregnant wife, I decided to sleep on the floor with a fan so it wouldn't reached him.

I feel so sad and crying while trying to sleep, knowing he wasn't even bothered if I'm ok or not. Or I'm just too sensitive about things around me? I don't know...  next day May 1 we are still not ok. I decided to washed our clothes carrying my baby and while having a big tummy because no one will do it for us, that night I decided to sleep on the couch in our family hall still sad because my husband who supposed to be taking good care of me, shows that he doesn't even bothered at all.

May 2, I decided to sleep over to my sister in laws place for a night before my birthday just to forget all my sad emotions, and somehow to forget my problems and create some smile again. then night passed by I don't even have a single text from him.

May 3, My birthday I decided to go home that day because I had a Check up on my OB and still, he don't say even a single word. I went to my OB alone, I decided to took a cab because I don't want to drive anymore. Night came in my sis in law called me that she will treat me with her friend a dinner because its my birthday asking if her brother will come over. I said I don't know, I said he may not, because he don't talk to me and I also don't want to start the conversation for him. When I'm about to leave the house for that dinner my mom asked me why I didn't ask mike to accompany me,I said he don't want to say anything and I don't want to start it for him, Again I took a cab and suddenly when I reached the restaurant I received a called from my mom's number but actually its him. Asking where am I.  Then he followed us.... I can't say my birthday is happy but I can't also say it was sad. It's just ok...


May 4, I decided to wash all the baby clothes we both. Its really hard in my condition my still I decided to do it and to finished it.

May 5, Our Baby Shower. So tired even my mom cook most of the food I was so tired doing some  things around the house. Fixing some chairs and rearranging the curtains,cleaning the house. Awww so tired and so hard, Having some back pain already but still i need to do it because i have to... After a few hours, visitors will starting to come over....Although only few friends and relatives who decided to join us and felt kinda bad about it it turn out happy and nice because of our other friends who made it and because of my sister in law help us to make it possible...

May 6, Sunday, Still after a tiring day, still my feet can't just stay and  relax at home the whole day. I decided to call my friend to accompany us to the mall to buy some things  we don't have yet for our baby.


May 7- 8,  Sometime I just stayed home ,Sometimes I go with my brother somewhere. I just don't like to stay at home at that time. I don't feel anything wrong perhaps I'm feeling much ok and better.

May 9- We decided to have a 3D4D scan. this day was so  great and happy for us. He looks so good and knowing that everything was perfect.He moves a lot and he even smile during the scan. I'm so happy seeing my baby. I'm with my husband, my 2 niece and my Sister inlaw. We bought the baby bag as well this day.... Oh my I remember everything while doing this post I almost cry again..


May 12, the before I gave birth. My sis in law. ask us to join her to see her friend in Antipolo. In over looking area. As we arrived there we are so happy being with them and with my friends as well. We laugh so hard, We smile a lot. We are so happy at that time until my husband and our friend decided to play billiards and the most nearest  billiards hall  is in CLOUD 9 in antipolo city. but sad to say we had a hard time to look for the place above because some crew said different directions, we walk up and down and then finally we found the place.So tired but that night still I'm feeling ok.  We went home around 4am in the morning...

then around 830AM my water bag broke... (con't to my previous post) click here!!

Now everything sync in. everything happened days before I gave birth are hunting me back.  So many what if's and now tell me if  I don't need to blame my self? What if?  I just let down my emotions, What if? only I just be more careful for me and for my baby, what if?  I decided to be more relax and just stay home. What If? I'm not too sensitive, What If ? I just think about my baby's feelings . Still more What IF's? I don't know if i really have to blame my self,  God knows I just want everything the best for my baby! But it's too late...

I'm Sorry Baby.,I'm Sorry for everything that I did wrong for you! Please Forgive me....... Iloveyou so much!!!!!!

How to Move On..

I know its been 2 months and some people would say that its not that hard to accept my loss compare to others who loss there love ones after being them for years. I don't know if they would believed me if I would say that it was the most drastic, worst thing that ever happened to my life.

Ever since I found that my baby and I are starting to live for each other, he became my life. Every single day that I live I could say because of him but now that he is gone how can I move on? how can I tell to my self  everything has a purpose, everything has a reason if all my reason to live is my son?

I waited for him so so long, for my entire life. Sometimes when I'm alone thinking how sad life I ever have, why me? A lot of people who are so bad, mother who sell there kids,babies, parents who doesn't even bother if there children are ok.. Why my son? why him if you know that I'm gonna be a great mom to him. So many questions that I know its hard to look for an answer.  So many regrets... I hope that I manage to be more careful in my pregnancy.

Sometimes I can't help not to blame my self why all of these happened.... I hope I can find my peace, I hope I can find my way to move on.. How I wish you were here baby........ Please help me how to move on without you.... I love you so much....