In Quiet Place

Just last April 24, 2013, same day when my tatay turn 64, we already put my little Angel's ash in more quiet place. 

It's been my longest plan to look for a pendant where I can put some few ashes of my angel. But this time last few days before April 24 came, hubby and I worked it out where we can get and buy that necklace with urn pendant, luckily after 2nd try we found it. 

Now even my angel is not with us anymore, I can still hold some part of him anytime. 

I miss you anak. You and our new baby on the way are the most precious and best ever that happened in my life. I love you, We love you and we will always will.

Sent from my iPhone

166 BPM

It was again the best time of my life. Been waiting for this date and been paranoid from my last scan and check up, but now I feel more ok and relieve hearing my baby's heartbeat while doing my 3rd TVs, Oh God, it was again the most precious sounds I ever heard in my entire just like the first time I've heard makzie's heartbeat.

Well getting scans and check up's within the First trimester was really a paranoia month for me. But as soon as I found out and saw the heartbeat of my dearly baby, it's just like a medicine for me making me feel calm and relief.

Baby now is 7 weeks and 5 days to 8 weeks and 1 day as Gestational age but 8 weeks 4 days from my last LMP. I remember while lying on the bed waiting for OB perform the scan, I pray and pray and prayed a lot Our Father... Hail Mary. While holding my rosary necklace, saying repeatedly "please Lord make my baby healthy and ok! Please, Lord!"

Then my OB 's first question, "last time we just saw the yolk sac right?!" Then I answer "Yes doc and positive with an embryonic pole!" Then she replied, "Yeah, now the baby is bigger and looking good!" Then smile on my face started to show, she slowly slides the monitor on my side and showing me the heartbeat of my baby "166BPM" and hearing not too loud beating "dugdug dugdug!" OMG, I just repeatedly say " Oh Thank You, Lord, Thank You, Lord.."

You can even saw the light circle around my little peanut just like a bubble which is the yolk sac. So clear and so rounded. My God I can find the right words how to say Thank You to our dear Lord above.

All  I know, God always there for us. On his own right time. God never failed to give us surprises, we just have to be patient enough and never stop believing that God never stops loving us and showing us how blessed we are.

Got my second prenatal book again. Happy! This time Duphaston need to stop somehow, because its progesterone can be one of the reasons why I'm having frequent nausea and vomiting, OB said that now I'm on my 8 weeks and no signs of spotting or severe pain, we can stop the Duphaston and continue taking folic acid but after  2 weeks change to folic acid with vitamin B-complex.

"Till next bonding on TVS my precious. Mama so in love with you. I know Kuya' makzie in heaven and papa are so proud for both of us. i love you my little peanut. Stay healthy and pray to Lord to protect us and guide us until 9 months. I will always feel you baby. We love you so dearly- Mama, Papa, and 👼+kuya makzie

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1 year

Days run so fast as we always say, Last May of 2012 was the GREAT yet the WORST nightmare of my life. Great because I was able to born my very first son on May 13th, on Mother Day's itself. Worst because he left me after 11 days of seeing him alive. As for all the parents, especially mom's out there, there is no such thing as a recovery period, right? there is no Mother who will says, "I'm ok, I already accept that I lose my baby" Yes, we sometimes say we are "ok" because we need to move on, they would say It's just part of our life that sometimes we cannot explain why but we just have to accept it. I know... but whatever you do, even how long or how many years had passed you will never forget the hurt and the pain you been through when you lose a child. 

Now the month of May is coming on our way again. My dear Mackenzie will turn 1. His urns are placed in our home, in my mom's altar, where she prays every night, every morning and every day of her life. After a year they say we need to put my dear Angel in a quiet place. We are planning to put him beside my Father's in law in Eternal Garden but a lot of paper works, issues that need to be solved, for its the side of my husband who has the right on that lot, then we decided to place our little Angel where my grandmothers reside (father side). I didn't know that my mom and my dad already talked about it so I and DH decided that it would be good as well. So my father just needs to talk to my uncle who is in charge of that, will ask what will else we need to do.

A lot of times in my life since it happened, I always think of him. I always say goodnight and I love you to my Angel before I go to sleep after saying a little prayer every night. Every night, after doing that prayer, I always remember his face, his lovely face, his eyes that so stunning even as young as he is. I remember seeing him crying without a sound, How painful it was for him, I remember how great my baby is. Looks like his dad and his nose was so good. I can help sometimes to shed tears again remembering how happy I am if he is here with me now. Playing with me, waiting for our new baby...

My Dear Mackenzie, My Baby, My Angel, I know you always with us, I know you always protect us in your own way, I know you are one of the reasons for the new baby coming on our way, I know you pray for this to our Lord to bless us another baby because you want us to be happy. I know you are always guiding us from Heaven. Baby, mama wants to say "I miss you so much!!", "I want to hug and kiss you every day of my life!" Thank you, baby, for making me so strong, I didn't know that I can be that strong till you came into my life. You will always be in my Heart no matter what. 

I Thank You, LORD for guiding us and our little Angel whose beside you always. Thank you for hearing our prayers for the New Surprise gift you have given us. I can't find the right words to say how much we are so thankful for your grace, glory, and blessings. I LOVE YOU LORD WITH ALL MY HEART!!

      ILOVEYOU, MY ANGEL MACKENZIE! 

Happy Birthday Anak!

Colds, Cough and Early Pregnancy

It's summer time in Manila, and its really hot hot. As we all know, when we are pregnant the feeling is even more hotter for us. As my new ob advise me not to go out for 2 weeks for weather is not good some illness and viruses can be harm on us (with my baby). 

From the last  check up I did, since then we never really  go out like just near to our house if we just need to buy some food or something. I stayed home since then. But still colds and coughs caught me.

From April 4 I think, If I remember I catch a colds so I was so afraid it will turn into cough for its gonna be more harder for me by then. I tried some home remedy like lemon and honey, gurgle salt with warm water. They said honey and lemon is best home remedy and salt is best to fight bacteria for sore throat, for I don't like to drink medicines as long as I can make it all natural. Even my OB would say its safe. I'd rather choose the natural medicines. 

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I've been drinking lemon and honey 2x a day for the past 3 days but like what they say, it will make you feel better but not like right away. Everytime I drink lemon and honey somehow it will be relieve but not for too long. So I need to drink again water and water and water. I usually gurgle warm water and salt every morning and before go to bed to make me feel better for how many hours and before sleep so it will make me more relax.

As my history, as you all know, I wanted really to be all the best for this second pregnancy. Even how much I wanted not to be sick like catching a colds or cough, even staying at home your not safe. Virus are everywhere specially some people you live with are going out for work and going back home after. I was so panic and quite nervous for I always think maybe it will harm my baby inside, my precious baby growing inside. So Started to search and search and somehow again, I feel more better for so far I always read like its usually normal for early pregnancy due to immune system of the mom are getting low to protect the growing baby inside. 

Here are some sites you can check on:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070823215102AAWqRyG

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110910175332AAGFbWy
http://www.babymed.com/pregnancy-symptoms/cold-and-flu-symptoms-pregnancy
http://voices.yahoo.com/first-trimester-pregnancy-signs-pregnant-1545503.html?cat=70

Anyhow, we pregnant women need to take good care of our selves really. I always wearing mask whenever we are going out and my company is always tissue and some face towel to cover up. Sneezing is hard for us and cough is totally not easy but we live in a place we cannot control what out side. We just need to eat right and drink right all the time.

New OB-Gyne, First Check Up

After what happened to Mackenzie (my First Born child, passed away after 11 days) even how much I wanted to stay on my OB I and DH decided to transfer and look for a new OB-Gyne if we will be expecting for our Second Pregnancy. 

Now that I'm pregnant, we struggle to find a great OB-Gyne who will take good care both of us all throughout my pregnancy, after knowing our history from our First.  As you know, It's not easy to look for another Ob-Gyne or to transfer, knowing that I'm PCOS and my previous OB knew my history regarding my infertility, but to tell you the truth, the only reason why we choose to change OB because she only affiliated on one hospital which we don't like it anymore. I love my OB so much, she is great and she is fantastic for me. I just don't know why only one hospital she is into.

I knew my present OB because of Women's Ultrasound where I'm doing my scan before when I was TTC. 

I told to the secretary that I wanted to change my OB, and she asked me which doctors who had a chance to scan you before that you feel good about it? and then I told her who it was although I didn't know the name yet and then she said "ahh, Dra. Diamante" the same day I had my second TVs, Dra. Diamante will be in the clinic around the afternoon, so I asked to be back around 3pm. 

Finally, I was able to meet the one who will take good care of us. "Dra. Dulce Corazon Bautista -Diamante" Ob-Sonologist.

I told her about what happened to my first pregnancy and to my baby. The detailed story so she would know everything, she needs to know. She somehow told me about one of her patient who has almost the same story about what happened to me and to my precious baby, Her patient also gave birth from First Pregnancy and baby died after 1 week, the previous OB didn't knew that the mother was suffering from diabetes and she gave birth on a preterm, after that she decided to change OB and Transfer to Dra. Diamante, and still for the second pregnancy, her patient got preterm giving birth on the 33weeks, but as to check her baby almost on the 35weeks so after the baby screening on the next day, Dra. said they would able to go home and Baby is fine and healthy. 

She asked a lot of questions regarding my previous pregnancy, I asked some questions as well regarding my situation and I could say, I can feel her, I can feel her concern towards us (me and my baby), I love to be in her care, she is as well nice as of my previous OB, I prayed and I prayed a lot that, God will guide us throughout my  pregnancy. I will surrender all my faith and love in God to guide, protect and give her precious Love to both of us. 

She saw my recent scan. She said like what the Sonologist said, my Gestational Sac and Yolk Sac, looks so great. Baby even have the Embryonic Pole but sometimes still out of range as the findings said for its too much early to detect.  She asks me to take Duphaston for 2 weeks and Folic Acid continually.  She asks me to go back and we see each other again and repeat the scan to check the heartbeat of my baby, by that time,  the heartbeat should be visible and active on April 18.

Duphaston, 2x a day for 2 weeks, Actually this is the first time I will take this med, although I already read a lot about Duphaston and maybe because of my history she asked me to take this for 2 weeks for our own protection. Folic Acid for me is normal, for I was into Folic Acid over and over again. Since I was TTC and till from my first pregnancy, For what I know, folic acid is very important for TTC and soon to be a mom.

We love to hear your prayers for both of us. I hope You will lend us a minute for your prayers for our safety (me and my baby). I will do everything that I could just to protect my baby inside my womb. I'm begging our Dear Lord Jesus Christ to protect us every day, and guide us till we face the 9months. Lord, we don't know how to thank you for all the graces and blessings, especially for a new baby. Lord, I'm here again saying hundred of Thank You's for trusting us again to be a parent. I Love you with all my Heart Lord.

 Prayers During Pregnancy

Dearest Mary, I look to you now for the help of your maternal love. You understand my trials as an expectant mother. You bore Jesus in your womb. You know the doubts and anxieties that beset me; you know the bodily suffering I endure. Like you, may I turn all these sorrows into joy. You overcame anxiety by loving trust in God; you overcame doubt by gentle resignation to His will.
Your motherhood lifted your mind above the earth and kept it close to God.
So speak to Jesus now with me, beloved Mother, as I seek prayerfully to learn to bear the trials of motherhood with joy.
Mother of Perpetual Help, Pray for me!

http://www.2heartsnetwork.org/pregnant.htm

Second TVS - Second Pregnancy

I thought having a second tvs around this time would be able to check yolk sac and baby's heartbeat. As per the first sonologist return or repeat after 2 weeks and more visible and more accurate, yes she is right, the sonologist informed me that my gestation sac and yolk sac was perfect in shape, + in embryonic pole, but the heartbeat was too early to detect, as per my gs I'm just 5 weeks and 1 day but from my LMP I'm 6 weeks and 1 day, hmm I did a back read on my post from the first time we heard my baby's heartbeat,and  its right, I was 7 weeks and 1 day from LMP and 6 weeks and 1 day in GS size, so probably next week the heartbeat of baby should be here, but my OB asked me to go back after 2 weeks so that is April 18, 2013. 

More prayers and rest. We are asking for your prayers my dear readers, This is the most important now in
my life, in Our Life...