Days run so fast as we always say, Last May of 2012 was the GREAT yet the WORST nightmare of my life. Great because I was able to born my very first son on May 13th, on Mother Day's itself. Worst because he left me after 11 days of seeing him alive. As for all the parents, especially mom's out there, there is no such thing as a recovery period, right? there is no Mother who will says, "I'm ok, I already accept that I lose my baby" Yes, we sometimes say we are "ok" because we need to move on, they would say It's just part of our life that sometimes we cannot explain why but we just have to accept it. I know... but whatever you do, even how long or how many years had passed you will never forget the hurt and the pain you been through when you lose a child.
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Now the month of May is coming on our way again. My dear Mackenzie will turn 1. His urns are placed in our home, in my mom's altar, where she prays every night, every morning and every day of her life. After a year they say we need to put my dear Angel in a quiet place. We are planning to put him beside my Father's in law in Eternal Garden but a lot of paper works, issues that need to be solved, for its the side of my husband who has the right on that lot, then we decided to place our little Angel where my grandmothers reside (father side). I didn't know that my mom and my dad already talked about it so I and DH decided that it would be good as well. So my father just needs to talk to my uncle who is in charge of that, will ask what will else we need to do.
A lot of times in my life since it happened, I always think of him. I always say goodnight and I love you to my Angel before I go to sleep after saying a little prayer every night. Every night, after doing that prayer, I always remember his face, his lovely face, his eyes that so stunning even as young as he is. I remember seeing him crying without a sound, How painful it was for him, I remember how great my baby is. Looks like his dad and his nose was so good. I can help sometimes to shed tears again remembering how happy I am if he is here with me now. Playing with me, waiting for our new baby...
My Dear Mackenzie, My Baby, My Angel, I know you always with us, I know you always protect us in your own way, I know you are one of the reasons for the new baby coming on our way, I know you pray for this to our Lord to bless us another baby because you want us to be happy. I know you are always guiding us from Heaven. Baby, mama wants to say "I miss you so much!!", "I want to hug and kiss you every day of my life!" Thank you, baby, for making me so strong, I didn't know that I can be that strong till you came into my life. You will always be in my Heart no matter what.
I Thank You, LORD for guiding us and our little Angel whose beside you always. Thank you for hearing our prayers for the New Surprise gift you have given us. I can't find the right words to say how much we are so thankful for your grace, glory, and blessings. I LOVE YOU LORD WITH ALL MY HEART!!
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ILOVEYOU, MY ANGEL MACKENZIE!
Happy Birthday Anak!
5 comments:
This made me cry...
hi, me too is battling for infertility, i was diagnosed pcos last feb. 1. my RE put me on metformin 1500mg/day, folic acid and vitamin E and vitamin B complex. i finished my 1st round of clomid at 50mg/day with no success, and today i just finished my last pill for the 2nd round of clomid at 100mg, im waiting for my ovulation to happen and be pregnant eventually (crossedfingers) TTC is not easy for me and DH, because DH is working abroad and we only have 55days to try :( somehow, i feel so hopeless, thanks to female network i found your blog and i've been a lurker this past few days and i can actually say i read all your post from word to word. i'll pray for you to have a happy and healthy full term pregnancy. take care :)
@myjourneytoconception: same here sis. Tears fall again and i cant help it.
@khassyTTC#1: first i want to say thank you for following my blog, and so happy that somehow it helps you battling infertility. Sis Battling infertility is not an easy war between you and the dream of having a complete family. It needs more patience and more prayers and help from our love ones and understanding from our dear husband is really important. Always think that all of us suffering or suffered from pcos never lose a chance to have our own happines of having little baby inside, dont' ever lose hope sis, again i say never stop believing to our dear God that he has his own right time in every one of us, we just have to be patience to wait for that right time. Need a friend im here sis text viber or email away. Goodluck and always pray God always listen. thank you for your prayer.
What happened to your mackenzie sis? :'(
thank you for being so friendly, and i am so happy that you already concieved with your 2nd bundle of joy, then again i will pray for you and for your little one to have a healthy 9months, i would be happy if you wanted to give me some of your contacts so we can talk, thank you very much coz i know i will find a friend in you. Godbless you and your family.
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