2nd Cycle

Again 2nd cycle August 2011. But still, all didn't work out for some reason the same way. Once again, we weren't able to complete the BD in this 2nd cycle. Due to personal reasons, we had a misunderstanding at that time. We went to Coron Palawan with my sis in law thinking that everything will be ok. But again something came up and we were not able to do the BD.

I started to question myself, "Am I too sensitive sometimes?" for the past few months I notice myself being so sensitive to the words that my DH says or I just love him so much that I expected that he will respect and love me the way I want him to be.

So next month September 2011 will be our last cycle as we know we can only go through 3 cycles for 3 consecutive months of Clomid because I think it can affect women's lining although it didn't come from my OB I just read some blogs or forums.

Let's have another luck next the last cycle.....

My Very First Cycle of Clomiphene

Happy but sad. It was July 2011 when I started to take Fertility Pill Clomid or Clomiphene. It is my 1st Cycle but ended up with nothing. I was able to take my medicines on time but due to personal reasons, my DH was sick at that time and needed to be confined in the hospital, we don't have the chance but to accept and believed that there will be another chance again.

 we were not able to complete all the BD throughout the cycle. The BD was schedule by my OB-Gyne but sad to say didn't had a chance to do it all. I just take it as a challenge after all it's the health of my DH is important thing to think first during that time.

Let's move forward and be positive....

God always be there beside us..

Thin Endometrium

June 25, 2011: I started to take my medication every day as I remember. I'm trying to eat right as I could and take some exercises as well. But again I had my TVS / FM on this but It was so sad that I had a Thin Endometrium, signs that I was too PCOS, and no chance to ovulate or have a dominant follicle. I ask again why? I did everything I could but why still nothing happens? I started to question God, (which is the worst thing I did... ) why me? I'm not a bad person but why he was making this hard for me? I started to feel so down when most of my friends I knew are starting to build their families and here I am still fighting this battle, feeling alone.

I’m gonna do something about it. When I went back home, I felt so down again. I even fought with DH. I started to talk to my inLaw that I think my DH doesn't have the plan to have a Family on our own. I said in that case I wanted to start my new life even without him. I want to have my family and I’m not getting any younger. I told them I feel that I'm alone in this battle and that he doesn't give so much effort into this. He knows that this is the only dream I ever wanted in my whole life.

The question that stuck in my mind was " AM I a bad person?" I don't know what should I do but somehow I felt that I'm not happy anymore at that time.....then his whole family started to talk to him. I don't know what they did or what did they say but suddenly my DH talked to me asking for another chance. Not necessary that he said that directly but in a way he wanted to work out again. I said that I'm not happy and I felt that he doesn't like to have a baby which he knew that is all I ever wanted. Since then we considered ourselves to give another chance and this time we will work better than ever.  I know God is always with us.  After that conversation, I have more belief and Faith in our Lord, I felt so much hope again and I know he will guide us all through the way.

I went back to my OB for a check-up again that month and this time my DH is with me. My OB said I'm still PCOS based on my latest TVS at that time but she decided to continue the medicine again and start the CLOMID, a fertility pill that helps most women to have dominant follicle and to ovulate. We were so happy and we felt that we have a very good chance this time. We are still hoping for a good result for the next couple of months.

Almost same thing Happened on my July 25, 2011 TVS/FM

Baby Dust To All... Be Positive!!!

No Sign

what can I say about May 2011 from the day we started to work up? May was the month we went to Boracay again but again nothing happened. I didn't have time to have TVs or FM during this month. I just go with my life and I even seldom take my medicine. Why do I feel like this? like No sign that I will still have a chance to conceive. I also admit that even though this month is the birthday that supposes to be a happy month for me, I think not at all. I even lose some part of it my faith in the Lord. I know how bad it is but I already asked for forgiveness for what I have done.

I will just lay on to him and whatever happened. I will trust him, love him and obey his will. I know soon he has plans for me. I decided to start again and give time for my medication. I'm planning to take a rest and not stay at the computer for a long time. I remember during that month (May 2011) It was just not my day at all...


God Will Bless Me One, I know...

PCOS again

April 18, 2011, came. I decided though o take a TVS/FM even my OB didn't require it I just wanted to check if again I had a dominant follicle but sad to say all of my follicles are less than 1.0cm PCOS again. Although only few follicles now remain small not unlike before but still my hopes went down i felt so depress that why we let the chance go so easy like that last month? It was our chance to have our own baby and start to build our own family.

I felt so down and depress that even my DH I notice that we don't do BD more often. I starting to ask my self, is there anything wrong with me? I always remember that my DH usually told me "You need to lose weight!" I know even they said that a woman who diagnosed with PCOS will be having  a hard time to lose weight still GOD knows i tried my very best. But I felt like was just fighting this battle alone? what is the use of medicine if we will not do our part to make it happen? why my DH doesn't have much time to BD is there anything wrong?

I started to feel pity for myself can we still ever do it?

Dominant Follicle

After 3 months came, it was March 17, 2011 before I go to visit again my OB-Gyne, I had my TVS/FM for the 2nd time around. I was so happy to know that the Doctor who made the TVS said I had a dominant follicle it was size 1.9x1.6cm although i still have some couples of small follicle who didnt grow enough in both ovaries but still I can consider this miracle without any help of Fertility Pill I was able to have a good Follicle. The doctor even ask me if I taking some Fertility Pill and then I said no she said "Really? So you mean it is really your egg. Great!"

What really makes me sad was.. at this time my sister in law was having a vacation in the Philippines. We are going out almost every night and go home late. the day I found out that I have a good dominant Follicle I told to my DH with a smile on my face. That my OB asked us to BD because it could be a good chance. But we didn't anything about it, ='( Hubby drunk so many beers at that night and we were not able to BD I felt so sad  that we let go of this good chance that we had. I just became so positive and I know it will happen again....

Again here is a copy of my Follicle Monitoring Last March 17, 2011

I need to do something

After my first OB-GYNE check-up, Trans Vaginal Ultrasound, 1 month of medication of Metformin, Folic Acid, and Povera last March 16, 2010 months passed by but I didn't give so much effort to work out to have a baby on my own. I think I was too busy with my work, some problems and happens at that time even though my DH and I are not on good terms during those months. So I asked myself can I do this alone?

Then December 2010 came. I went to the OB-Gyne of my cousin who was referred by my auntie. Did I say why not try? there is nothing to lose anyway. what makes me more interested to see this new OB-Gyne my aunt said that aside from her daughter who is also irregular in menstruation most of her nieces are having a problem conceiving as well but through the help of this Doctor all of them is already a mother of there own child. It was then in December 2010 when I visit her. I'm with my friend at that time because my DH doesn't want to accompany me during those times.

I brought my old TVs and found them last march 16, 2010 when I visit Dr. MB she said the same thing that I was PCOS but what makes me feel that I like her, she said there is no serious problem aside from this. it can be corrected by medication, and she is also a PCOS but already a mother of two (i think so.. ) So she said I will be having medication for 6 months. almost the same medication but quite a higher dosage. She said I need to go back after 3 months with the new TVs as well.

I left the clinic with a smile on my face and felt all the chances that God can give me at that time. I thought it's gonna be an easy battle but again I was wrong.......